This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
