I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
