Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
BRING THE BAGELS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
