she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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