found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
