Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
