I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
