i think my tv is drunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
