my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
