id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im holly from the hills drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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