considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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