You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
