So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
