True but thats because hes a fetus.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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