I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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