they need to just BURY HIM!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
