And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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