this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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