Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
