First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
