It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
