Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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