i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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