I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
