i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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