Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
