We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
