No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize