youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found puke in my bra..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
