Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
