Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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