My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
