I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
