and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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