I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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