I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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