Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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