Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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