Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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