i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
