I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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