i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
