Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
