Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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