my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
