For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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