You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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