i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
