I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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