Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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