the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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