Your face is a jimmy john
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
