I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize