I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
