You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
