I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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