Only a mothe r could love this liver
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
