i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
