just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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