when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
