it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
